In Christ Alone

It s been quite a rough road these couple of days..with sleepless nights almost every night now..i m starting to transform into a zombie.

Having to think about my future plans, I m asking myself alot of questions. Questions that I cannot answer. Questions that seem to lead no where. Questions that only seem to drive me further away from the answers that I really want to hear. 

I m filled with uncertainties and fear of the choices that I m about to make. Should I?  Should I not? Am I strong enough to go through this time, alone? and as I type this, this song just popped into me.. In Christ Alone, I place my trust. 

As I yearn for answers, I will continue to go on this journey of mine with every single ounce of courage that I have left. I know God has made plans for me. But being the impatient me, I guess I shall again remind myself..In Christ Alone, I place my trust...And find my glory in the power of the cross..He is my source of strength..

when question marks arises..

It s been a LONG time since i blogged.

Just spoke to one of my closest friends (who is a frequent blogger) and we were talking for almost an hour. So much to update her and she had so much to share. Then the conversation was cut short when mum came looking for me.

It s been so long since I felt this way again. I m beggining to think that I m becoming very selfish. I only want things to go MY WAY and i just cant stand having things other people's way. Even when it comes to WHAT TO EAT FOR LUNCH? or even dinner at times. I ve become so strong-minded that even my dad cant stand talking to me.

I m seriously blogging just to search for answers within myself. (hmm...teacher!) words put down helps me solve some questions...I HOPE.
I ve been happy..but at times, am awfully UNhappy. I feel that people dont deserve my kindness anymore or is it because there have been lots whom i ve been kind to and i dont get the right treatment in return? hmm...and that s why my dreams of saving the world through touching kids' lives are slowly disappearing? WHY me? Why should i change kids' lives when they have their parents to help them? hMM....yeah...WHY ME? what FOR?? is there any good for me?? or wait..i guess i m complaining about my pay then. YES! i need a pay rise! I DO!

I NEED TO settle down, invest in a home, buy an insurance to cover my pathetic ass, buy a car and at least have a RM500 shopping spree a month and also pay off my credit card bills. DO note that i did not mention giving money to my parents...SEE HOW SELFISH I VE BECOME?? everything s bout ME AND ME AND I. hmm..and prob Gary too.

well well, i m getting tired. i m. of my life. I need a change. hmm...dont i always? I NEED LOTSA FLEXIBILITY! LOTS! so, hmm..should i get that 10k from the bank, pay off the contract..and RUNAWAY!!??? :)

should i?

the faith stretching journey

Time flies. And as i stare at her blog now, I ve seen her grow the last few years. Always coming along with older sis to join our meet-ups, busy clicking away on her canggih camera, taking silly pictures of everyone and then making fun of everything that i do.

She was there to take pics for us - the Exclusives when we graduated. She gave me the best graduation gift that reminds me that friends like herself, Mun Yee, Gracie and Mel would grow old together with me.

Now, she s all grown up and she s leaving for the States to further her studies. Had dinner with her tonight and hugging her at the end was one of the most difficult things to do. Cheng Yee, I ve seen her laugh and cry and she s a sister that I ll always be protective of. She s gone through so much this year and I wish her all the best throughout the coming years. She s one brave cili padi, i know she ll sail through her years of studies there and when she returns, she ll be all much more grown up! she s promised me to be my wedding photographer and reminded me that i have to get married during her summer hols! hahaha! yes, i will!

her blog s title, the faith stretching journey...well, it s true isnt it? Not knowing what s in front of u but leaving it all to Him coz you know He s got the best plans for u. so, cheng yee, if u are reading this, dont ever let your journey of discovery end. It s a long journey but not one that s goin to be boring. It s going to be full of life and yes, lots of laughters too! take care..and remember, i m only a skype away!LOTSA HUGS!!!

It s a year since we graduated. and looking back, i dunno how far i ve gone. far enough, i hope.
a long journey ahead, lots more in stored for me. Only time will tell.

career..lots more surprises for me.
family..starting a family soon..but i dunno how soon is soon and how soon We are going to be ready. there are plans for end of this year or early next year, but well, he hasnt quite confirmed anything yet. altho it s the 21st century, but i still prefer the guy popping the question.
time flies, and it s goin to be another mid-month.
one month to go and another fren s leaving town. mun, wherever u are, u are still closer in distance to me compared to your sister lo! ahhaha! so, visits would be compulsory every other month!

tmro s goin to be another exciting day when i meet up with the chicas! bean would have lots to tell..we havent met for the past 3 months i think!! that s long! and then, i ll be home doing some house work..good old me! :) love would be back on sun..so would pick him up after church! yeay! after a long 6 days separation, there ll be lots of talking and laughing..i hope! miss u lots dale! (if u ever read this la..which i doubt it!) men..sigh..

hahah! it s the end of my friday night. a good week..Thank you Lord!

time for a quick shower and some zzzzzz....

chris signing out! :) ciao!

GOT TAGGED!

1. What have you been doing recently?
watch people swim, drinking lotsa coffee, talking on the phone, facebooking, reading :)

2. Do you ever turn your handphone off?
when it s hanged(is that how i spell it), if not, it s 24 7 on :) unlike Mel! ahaha!

3. What happened at 10am today?
was at work..thinking about what s for lunch :)

4. When did you last cry?
a few weeks ago.

5. Believe in Fate/Destiny?
Destiny :)

6. What do you want in life now?
to be happy, not wanting to worry about the future

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or put up your hood?
heheh..i walk in the rain..well, sometimes umbrealla..

8. What's your favourite thing to do in bed?
hehe..is this a naughty question?? ;)

9. What bottoms are you wearing now?
an over sized working pants..

10. What are the nicest things in your inbox?
definitely not my phone e-bill...

11. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
well, wat can i do when i have to deal with men who are complicated?

12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone?
erm..now? nope...

13. What was the last movie you caught?
erm...drag me to hell! ahahaha!

14. What are you proud of?
this is too general...my butt? coz it s bigger than tailou's!

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say and who is it from?
ahahahah! must i do this? wait...
"Ha ha, thank you very much. Ya, i found my wood. Just now, i almost hang up the phone, tot i called wrong number." Gary 03.05.09 (wood referring to Kayu Nasi Kandar) hahaha! he was looking for the direction there!

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
Mysterious Girl - Peter Andre!! ahahha!!!!

17. Do you have any nicknames?
haha! Chris, Ning, Elephant, Lamer, okies..let s just stop there..

18. What does the newest text messgae say and who is it from?
MEL! "Aiya, we from side lo so it s smaller. and photoshop it so it's toned! we wont take pics k..ahahhaah..."

19. What time did you sleep last night?
11 plus i guess

20. Are you currently happy?
nope..i still got one hour to kill at the office! hehehe!

21. Who gives you the best advice?
hmmm...loads of ppl..like Mel said..God..

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
nope..altho i d like to..

23. Who did you talked to on the phone last night?
Gary

24. Is something bugging you right now?
yups..wats for dinner??

25. Who is the last person to make you laugh?
Steph, at work, coz we were cracking our head on how the song 'Mysterious Girl' goes..untill we decided to youtubed it! ahahah!

26. Do you like yourself?
hehe..apart from my hair...i ll prob say yes in 2 months time..

27. You want $5 or $10?
oh my gosh..i m very humble one...i ll take the 10...then i can buy 9 ppl ice cream..

28. Do you think you are stupid sometimes?
sometimes? wah...i told u i m humble rite?

29. Who is your best best best friend?
hehehe...my dad...the next best would be his atm account...

30. What will you do if you like that boy?
boy a? or man?

31. Who are your favourite stars?
wat kinda stars?

32. You hate your mother sometimes in some ways?
i think my daughter would hate me sometimes too..

33. Do you had even stead before??
what s a stead?

34. What type of boy do you like?
cute cute one..chubby chubby one..dun make too much noise..polite one..hehe..

35. Now are you single/attached?
Attached.



I'm suppose to pass this tag to 10 people but since I don't know who to tag.. I'll just think of 10 random names.

1. Mel
2. Grace
3. Mun Yee
4. Cheng Yee
5. Tailou
6. Su yin
7. Gary
8. Bryant
9. Mei Li
10. Su Zanne


1. Would you date number 5?
AHAHAH!! i always date number 5 & 6 together gether!

2. Number 2 just got in a car crash. How do you react?
firstly, i wouldnt be surprised..and then i ll call mel..and then i ll call her mum..

3. You see number 9 with your boy/girlfriend. What do you do?
hehe..they must be eating durian together la...

4. You come home and and your room has been ransacked by number 4.
She must be trying to take some photos of my room from different angles..

5. Number 1 is acting weird.
hahhaa! she s either thinking how in the world does she lay her hands on some hard cold cash...so i ll prob chip in a few ideas..

6. Numbers 3 & 8 decide to give 10 a haircut.
HAHAHHAHA! number 3 & 8 are crazy...and 10 as well..i ll support the motion!

7. Number 7 just got tickets for him/her and you to go to a concert.
Yeay!! we ve never been to a concert together! i d gladly say yes!

8. Number 10 takes you to a bar.
it ll be the day when we r celebrating either of our hen night..or either one of us is real pissed at our partner..

9. Number 4 has to move to the other side of the world.
SHE IS..and she better be back in 2 years time!!!! i m waiting for her to be my photographer!!!

10. You and number 8 are being chased by the cops for an unknown reason.
erm...for jogging too late into the night at the tmn tun park??

11. Number 7 and you are sitting on the couch watching a movie when he/her wrap his/her arm around you.
one of my favourite moments with him :)

12. Number 5 asks you out to dinner.
it ll definitely be vegetarian meal..

13. Number 9 and you are sitting on a bus.
AHAHA! it s been such a long time since we both were in a bus..we d prob be complaining how stinky the man in front of us is!

14. Number 6 calls you in the middle of the night because he/she can't sleep.
I ll go over to her place...save the phone bill..

15. You're walking with someone and number 6 runs up and tackles you to the ground from behind.
She knows i know combat..she wont dare!

16. Number 1 is crying one day and you ask him/her why and it seems their boy/girlfriend has dumped them.
hehe..i ll be goin over to tmn melawati..(I THINK THAT S WHERE YEW GENE STAYS) and then i ll burn his car..and prob do some other stuffs..

17. Number 2 offers to bake you a meal. As you sit in the other room, the kitchen is suddenly aflame.
AHAHAHAH! same reaction as Mel...why does no 2 always have to be in trouble that we know she d be in! hahahaha!

18. Number 4 comes to your door one day holding a koala.
i ll scream...she wasnt in the US all these while..but in AUST! how rude to lie! ahahahah!

19. Number 4 just got you an X-Box.
okies..it s cheaper in the states! hehehe!

20. Number 9 challenges you to a children's card game!
been there...done that! ahahahahah!

21. Number 1 thinks he/she's overweight.
hahaha! if she is, then i must be an obese! ahhahaha! she hits the gym almost everyday..she rock climbs..swims..omygosh!

22. Number 7 looks lonely.
He ll never be lonely..he has me! :)

23. Number 2 asks you rudely to go leave her/him alone.
hehe..means she s got lotsa assignments due...i ll leave her alone or she ll scream..

24. Numbers 5 and 3 decide to throw a surprise party for you.
omygosh...it ll be a nightmare..it ll prob be a party that would tell everyone all the dirty lil secrets about me!

25. Number 6 decide to dye his/her hair black. What do you say to that?
OKies! but she just did her hair...and it s not black..and she s looking good..

26. Number 7 tells you he/she is going to go out for a while, and then later you hear about a shooting where he/she went.
I ll be at that place asap..praying that he s be alright..

27. You catch number 9 by him/herself, crying.
someone must have stolen her food/ice cream/durian

28. Numbers 1, 3, 5 and 6 all tackle you at once.
they wouldnt...they know i know combat and they know number 7 will come rescue me :) hehehe!

Love?

Being in love (FOR REAL) has been so unreal for me as i brought it upon myself many unlasting (if there s such a word) relationships the past 2 years.

Thinking hard of whom i have fallen in love with, trying to dig his past has suddenly brought me back to some unsettling issues i have been trying to push under the rag for so long now.
2 years ago and now, I, me, christine chai..hmm..i was so not me (the me now) and look at me, i m different now.

I ve found some stuffs about him which happened 2 years ago which i wasnt very comfortable with. i became upset, angry..but now, being as rational as i possibly could, i m wondering..hey..how was i 2 years ago? he would have been upset to find out who i was 2 years ago.
BUT then again..i asked myself..hey, AM I IN LOVE WITH HIM NOW< or HIM IN THE PAST? of course not the later and it s a lucky thing he isnt as childish as me. He knows that he is in love with the present me, not the past me! so, i should do the same too.

It s hard to love someone, it s even harder to lose someone you love dearly.

he has lost ppl he has loved before, and i ve lost ppl that i ve loved before. but, now, as we ve found each other (how cliche can this sound?), i guess, no, actually i m sure that i should learn how to accept and love ppl for who they are, and not who they were in the past.

i believe i remember telling him once when he was telling me how sometimes he regret some of the things that he s done in the past...i said, well, if that didnt happen, u wouldnt be the great person that you are now, right?
So come on, chai en ning, u said that. so mean it! hahah!

he s been nice, but at times, i feel very insecure. women...hard to understand...well, i guess i just need to be reminded from time to time that someone out there really loves me :) and would climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, just to be with me(OH MY GOSH...i m outta my mind!) ahahahha! i wonder if he ll really do that...hmmm...

i m in love, that s for sure. I m glad that after so long of soul searching, that i m now more settled than i was 2 years ago. oooh...year 2007/2008 haunt me. i m so glad that 2009 has been so far so good! :)

i m loving life more..well, i would definitely love it more if my pay was a lil higher! :)

a shoutout to my love...well, if he does come read my blog la..not like he does..well, one thing about man that i cannot understand is, before they are together with u..they ll check ur fb la...blog la...and everything else..but after that..aleh..they re not even bothered...i wonder why? hmmm....

love, thanks for everything. u da man! hehe! wana change ur surname d? JUSSST KIDDDING!

Worthy is the Lamb

when i entered the sanctuary yesterday, i was speechless. they were starting to sing the song that i was faithfully listening to on thursday and friday at work - Worthy is the Lamb.

Not only was the music nice, but the lyrics were very meaningful.

Having gone to the church with someone i adore and love yesterday, i suddenly reflected on my past. what did i do to deserve to be so happy these few weeks? are these feelings real? i just cant thank God enough for showering me with all these blessings!

i m struggling at work. fighting the issue of unfairness. i ve lost my passion for work. everyday when i come in, there s only one thing that i look forward to. goin home and rest. there s so much work, yet no one to work with. there s so much work and i dunno where to start. what to end first. i m getting restless.

i know these 3 years will pass quick. worthy is the lamb indeed. and although i m unsure of what will happen after 3 years, i know i m on my way to learning more things about life. it s an open field, and right now, i m only at the starting of my journey. long way to go chris! hehe!

will be leaving for spore for supercamp soon. for 11 days..hope it ll be another great experience there!

am packing up, leaving the office now..tonight...i have a challenge..PORK chop..that s my challenge..ehee!

gtg! will be back soon!

roger out! :)

when happiness becomes worries

i ve been so happy. so happy that i find it hard to express my happiness.

but with all these happiness the past week, i m starting to get worried. like..wowee..what happened?

the last two weeks, someone came into my life and i have shifted some of my life priorities. for him, i feel that it s worth it. i m learning to love differently this time.

there might be issues that have not been resolved. we might have taken the wrong first step but well, it has been taken, and there s no turning back unless we end it right here, right now. but, nope, the both of us are not goin to be doing that.

however, within this period of time, it s really goin to show me what kind of person he is. his next actions or decisions would really tell me what kind of person he is. and i m really praying and hoping for the best. heartache, i dont need now. who needs a heartache anyways?

he s made me feel on top of the world the past two weeks and omygosh..i cannot believe that it s only 2 weeks! ahaha! his smile..his red ears..haha! just the thought of him makes me smile. but we both cannot deny the existence of some problems and i cannot do anything about it and i cannot ignore it. i pray that these would be solved soon and that both of us can smile genuinely everytime we see each other :)

and i always believe that after every storm, the sun will shine again! :)

teh o ais limau dua :)

it s been almost a week that without fail, i will at least have a glass of teh o ais limau with someone who is able to make me smile.

today alone, i ve had two glasses of teh o ais limau at our favourite hangout spot. just to be spending time with him, knowing that everything we have is so real, makes me smile/grin from ear to ear.

it s been long. it s been long since i was this happy.

is he the one? i wouldnt dare answer coz i know God must have had His reasons to send 5511 into my life.

like Su Yin said, hey, this is to make up for all the bad times that you ve been through before. and i thought, yups and this, i shall cherish.

i hope i ll have my teh o ais limau again with him tomoro and just be there looking into his eyes when he looks at me.

:)

these few days, i cant help realize that some of my closest frens are going through some hard times and i ve never forgotten how they supported me through when i was down and out. i pledge that i d make sure they ll be happy again...how can i ever let my sunshines stop shining?? that would be insane! i love u guys! and u know who u guys are! definitely! :) hugs to all of u..and wait..it ll be soon, when i show u..who s been making me this happy :) just wait..hehe!