Am finally home..

2 camps in one month! havent had a real rest after the finals and i m starting work next week.

am so tired but i just gotta finish the races. One down...2 to go.

just got back from supercamp malaysia on sat night. am missing the camp. thought i wont, but the lessons learnt will not be forgotten. made new friends, and met lotsa kids, got to understand mel more, and also understand myself more.

i never knew that the programme for kids could also in some ways affect me and make me reflect bout my own life. i had to face many challenges during camp and the top 2 will be :
[1] kids..enough said
[2] height

i always thought that i m afraid of being with kids and that i would not be able to handle them as i m always very impatient. but surprisingly, when i looked at all the kids, the softer part of me arises and i had huge no problems being with them. i thank God that i now know, i ll be able to handle kids, someday, my own.

the best part of all during camp is when one of the kids in my team came up to me before the flying fox activity and asked a favour. 'Chris, could u be there beside me before i do the flying fox?' For a moment, i wanted to say no, coz i looked up at the pole that i had to climb and suddenly felt faint! the pole was high..i mean, it wasnt that high, but it was high enough to make me pee in my pants. being afraid of height is one of the biggest issue that i have. i couldnt say no to little Evan. so, i nodded yes. i looked up the pole, and i knew i had to do it for the kids. i cannot be a hypocrite, telling them not to be afraid when i, myself am afraid of height. i gathered my courage, all that i have, and climbed the ladder. half way up, i could feel my knees shaking. i was afraid. but it was impossible to call out to Mel, or my partner, Sam and asked them for help. if i did, the chances of me demotivating my kids would be high. i didnt want to tear down their spirit. when i reached the top, i saw Travis. He looked at me and he knew i was scared. he asked if i was alright, i told him no. he wanted to leave and get back down as his kids have all done the flying fox already. He was kind enough to ask if i needed him there, and i nodded yes. as my kids started coming up, i tried my best to keep a cool face, although i believe that all the veins in my brains were bursting one by one and that i could pee in my pants at anytime!i held on to all the kids' hands very tight, to assure that they were alright and also at the same time, to remind me that i have to forget bout my fear and focus on the kids. one by one went, with no problems, until when i realised everyone has gone, and i had to climb that silly ladder down again. i began to panic., but needed to get down anyways. took my time, one step, two steps..and more, before i finally reached the ground. i couldnt hold back my tears anymore..i walked off. didnt wana let anybody see me crying. took bout 10 mins before i started walking back into the crowd. i was terrified. very terrified. i felt like a hypocrite. i felt like i was cheating the kids. and i was upset that my partner didnt know that i was afraid of height. went back to the dorm and was superbly sad.

did manage to cheer up. the kids were great. they were the reason that i wake up early those 6 days. they were the reason. made new friends, Jean, Andrea, Kee Aun, Jen, Sam, Nedu, Travis, Sean & Jake. the kids are my new friends too! hope these friendship that i ve made will last for quite sometime.

Mel & I - camwhoring

JINGGA team!
these kids taught me a thing or two bout life.

the lil boys in the team

Travis @most disgusting TL, & i

Qi Cheng & I, one of the smartest kid in the team


GYS - sigh, lots more to do. am getting really tired of solving shitty problems and am exhausted of having to attend meetings. am getting really tired.
is this worth it? is this worth so much of my time?

when will i get to rest? when will i feel more carefree? WHEN?