Welcoming two new fellas into the family

Cousin Bro Dr Hew & wife, Karen welcomed their first lil one, Isaac Hew on the 22nd Oct. Havent got a glimpse of him yet as he was born only after 27weeks in mummy's womb. Recuperating well now, he s learnt to breathe on his own. Strong lil one! am proud!

Cousin Dennis & wife, Tran welcomed their first lil one too, Abigail Lee on the 26th Nov in Canada. She s a beautiful creation of God. Have seen so many pictures of her, and she s adorable. A lil pout she has..ahaha..she s beatiful.



BABY ABIGAIL

Congrats Ko(s)!

Now, let s count, how many nieces and nephews i have..

Christopher Hew
Benjamin Mark
Bryan Matthew
Larissa Bruno
Mira Rosa
Lysandra Bruno
Isaac Hew
Abigail Lee

wooowwwww....i am growing OLD!!

Seeing one after another baby being born into this world, newcomers, a lil niece and a lil nephew, I pray that the world will be a better place to live in. A safer one, definitely.

Perish those who greed, Lord so that Isaac and Abigail will continue to be safe :)

wonder when i d be carrying my own bundle of joy in my hands ;)

and it s over...it s over again..

This morning when i woke up, i asked myself, should i leave the letter under his sheets? should i? should i not? I took about an hour writing the letter to him last night. I did say that i wasnt gonna see him anymore since my last post. But, after much persuasion from him, i did see him again. I needed time to end it. I needed a good closure without him knowing that i ll never want to see him again. I need him to see the real me, not just a companion to talk to before we both head to our rooms to sleep. He knew i had feelings for him and he took advantage of it.

It was a long letter written on a blue piece of paper. I wrote it with my best handwriting. I told him that i had to go and that it s best if i left now. One funny thing that happened was, he was extremely nice to me this morning. He was extra sweet, it s as though he knew that something was going to happen. My heart was abit sore, still hesitating to leave the letter behind. I did after all because i knew it would be a disaster if i didnt end it today. 

It rained this morning. It was difficult to get out of bed. It was all gloomy but i knew i had a mission to complete. To refill his bath soap which is empty but he still does not want to discard it as it was his ex who bought it. I refilled it as secretive as possible. He was changing when i went to his room to quickly leave the letter underneath the sheets. He would only read it tonight and i hope he ll be alright. i mean, he should be, since i m nothing to him. or am i something to him? yeah..just another friend.

as much as i wanted to give him a friendly hug when we said goodbye this morning, i found it hard. I even found it hard when he said, 'see u later'..meaning tonight, when i knew i wouldnt be coming home to him anymore. I did not reply but only said bye. I could not bring myself to look at him in the eyes. I opened the car door, walked straight to my car and off i went. i needed coffee...and yeah..went to the 7 11 that we both frequent and that shall be my last time there.

As i drove to work, i prayed. I was not sad. i was just...me. i m glad i did what i did this morning. My frens would have thought that i ve stopped seeing him. They would be boiling mad if they knew that i was still seeing him last week. But, they would be proud to know that i ve realised it myself that this has to stop.

People say i m stubborn. it s true. i have to work at my own pace. i usually work base on my instincts, which sometimes can be wrong. i knew i had to stop seeing him 2 weeks ago, but i just needed time to end it on my own. and today, i knew it was the right time. i m ready to let go and i hope i wont turn back and regret. There s nothing to savour. Nothing.

he didnt have to know now that i wouldnt be there for him tonight. he didnt have to know that i wouldnt be there listening to him speak about his ex tonight or the nights to come. he didnt have to know now. I ll let him have his day today. and i hope, i hope that he ll be a better man.

prob, this is not an ending, but a beginning of a new chapter in my life.

cheers to C. may he find his true one soon.

=)

Jehovah Rafa..

It s been a month of not being at home. N i m glad, i am, finally. it has also been a month when my feelings were controlled by someone else. it has also been a month when i thought i was happy again. Today, things are clear and today, i know for sure that i have great friends that i ll treasure forever.

it was 6am when Su yin picked me up. Having bottled up my feelings the whole night wasnt great, even a hug from him didnt help much. Seeing Su yin s car from afar just made me teared. Getting into her car, i was relieved to see someone familiar. Picking up tailou at 6.30am and seeing him too made me cried. This 2 are famous for being sleeping pigs and because of me, they woke up and they made sure i made it through the day. We had breakfast and i m amazed with people that i saw at the dim sum shop at 6.45am having breakfast. 3 of us felt so out of place. both of them planned what i was gonna do the whole day. both of them were my rocks for the day.

it was a day filled with anger and pain. a feeling which i hate most but a feeling that i ve felt all year through, and i never wish to have those feelings again. it was so painful that i couldnt cry anymore during the day until i sang at su yin s church service. 'because of who You are' was the theme song for the day. it was in my mind all day long. i sang that song until su yin and tailou were so sick of it. but, it was my theme song for the day. it made me stronger. it gave me courage to face reality with him. the actual plan was to ignore all the smses. but after the service, i knew i had to speak with him. hence, i made plans.

God is great!

i waited for 1 1/2 hours for him. finally got the courage to ask him. i ve fallen for him, somehow. for more than a year, i ve always had this feelings for him. and i knew he was a man that i ll never get to have. altho i spent so much time with him the past month. helping him get through his breakup was something that i never thought i could do. how, in the world, could i bear seeing him, a person i like, in pain. it affected me. his feelings became mine. on days when he s sad, i m sad too. on days when he s happy, which is seldom, i ll be beaming with joy. hoping that he ll get happier as days go by, and hoping that he ll soon realise that i could be the woman in his life was just a dream that will never come true. and he made that clear tonight. Ppl have told me stories about him which i have chosen not to believe all these while. deep down in me, i knew he is a good man. i didnt see his weaknesses, but i only saw his strengths. but, i knew that i wasnt in love with him. however , i knew i d go an extra mile for him.

for 20 mins, we had the most akward conversation in his car. we confronted issues that we never thought we would. i heard what he said, and i believe him. he thanked me and he apologised. and that was what i needed to hear. he cant forget his past with his ex, and i respect his decision. we were only friends, right from the start. for all the things taht i did for the past month for him, i ve never done them for any men before and he, was the first. i didnt know that i could have done that.
he didnt think that i could have done that too, so bravo me!

today at church, i was so moved by the lyrics of my theme song. God moved me. God healed me. God taught me something new through him, which was, loving someone whole-heartedly is something which is not easy to do, especially when that person that u love, is not in love with u anymore. God is my healer. and i ve got great friends like Su Yin, Tailou and Mei Li who got me thru this shit. Su Yin and Tailou were dead tired by 9.30pm, but they waited together with me for him. after meeting him, i was just sobbing. i wasnt sobbing because i wouldnt be seeing him that much anymore. i was sobbing because i couldnt have him. in the past, all the men that i ve wanted, i had them. but for him, however much i want to have him, i know i ll never get. not even a part of him. i was sobbing because it ended beautifully. it was a mutual understanding. he felt bad for not being able to forget his past. he s still in pain. for how long? i wouldnt know. Both my angels, altho they were exhausted, they insisted that we watched a movie in OU. Madagascar 2. haha..when i arrived at the cinema, i was still crying while talking to mei li on the phone. this time, i cried not because of him, but because i ve got wonderful friends who were just so patient and understanding. they understood me, and whatever decisions that i make, they supported me. i m one lucky fella to have them.

here, i wish him all the best that he ll be able to be happy again. as much as i want to be the woman who would make him smile again, i know that i m not a superwoman. or at least, i m not his superwoman. Being his true friend for a month, taught me that i could actually go an extra mile to see a friend smile again. i did, for him. and for any of my friends, i d do that too. God is great!

Jehovah Jireh, my provider
Jehovah Nixxi, You reign in victory
Jehovah Shallom, prince of peace
I worship you because of who you are.

thank you Father Lord for putting me to countless tests that made me seach for who i am. I ve been down, but u never fail to lift me up again through my friends. You have given so much to me that i sometimes take things for granted. i ll treasure my family and friends more.Thank you Lord for being my healer. Amen!

When u know that it will never work..

 Yups. I know even before we ve started anything. I know that it wouldnt work out. I ve been spending so much time with him. Yes, there might be an attraction for each other, but yups, it will never work out. As much as i want it too, it s not going to be alright if he doesnt take steps to bring us closer together. 

well, we will just remain as friends. It s funny how we have late drinks together at secret recipe, he, having his favourite iced latte and me, frosty watermelon juice for 3 days in a row and then we would head off to the park for a walk. get into the car, drive home, sleep. we were even walking in the rain on Sunday evening. it made him feel better, it made me feel emptier as he keeps talking about her. everynight, he never forgets her. She s always on his mind. everything that he says has got her in it. Does she even know this pain that he s going thru? Does she even care? i wish that he ll soon realise that he deserves to be happier. As much as i want to tell him about how i feel, i always convince myself that i shouldnt destroy this friendship that we have. A weird friendship.

I miss all my friends. havent seen tailou in days and i m having dinner with him later! cant wait! i always look forward to having dinner with tailou, alone. ahaha..not tryin to be mean but we communicate better when it s just the 2 of us. tailou reads my mind like my brain is splattered across my forehead!aahaha! love u to bits tailou!! and i m sure, if u ever read this, u ll go, 'yeala yeala'! ahahahah!!tailou, whatever happens, i ll be 2 steps behind u! or ahead of u..so no worries, whatever shit that u re goin thru, i ll be here for u, like how u re always there for me. OK? DEAL? hehehe..

as for the EXCLUSIVES, i m practicing to sing at Mel's unplanned-wedding!! she s picked the song and i ll be singing that for her and whoever her husband is la! ahahha...who else?? well, i hope all 3 of them are doing ok! Mel s getting baptised! this weekend, right?? cant wait for the reunion of the ever-bright-intelligent gang! ehehhe!

well, have got a movie date tonight! ehhee..am suppose to prepare sweet snacks..i wonder what? sigh..i wish i was in charge of chips! then i wouldnt have to think! hehhehee!!

i hope i m not falling deeper into the pothole. i ll try not too.

LIFE = ?

A friend of mine broke up recently with his girlfriend of 3 years. He thought that she was 'it'. The one. But, she gave up the relationship, siding the fact that he wasnt compatible enough for her. Ironically, she only found that out after 3 years. I always thought that love and persevrance can overcome everything, but i guess that that was just a thought. it doesnt happen in real life situations anymore.I remember asking him why does he love her? He couldnt answer. or prob, he s never thought why he loves her.

It s prob just the feeling of being comfortable with someone that dragged the relationship and then, came along the ticking bomb that woke her up and she realises that she wouldnt want to spend the rest of her life with him. He, on the other side, being led on, was suddenly lost in the ocean. He's my friend. I dunno if it s a good thing or a bad thing that he s my friend. For the first time, i just dunno what to say or advise him what to do. I dont even know what emotions to feel. will she come back to him when she s found another man to hang out with, but still claims that she doesnt have feelings for him. Why does she say that she still loves my friend and yet does not want to give it another try?

Most of us would always say that we wanna be successful in other areas of life first before love, but when we have everything else, why does love seems to be the factor that destroys everything else when something goes wrong? But when we are in love, everything seems perfect, and when we re not, some call it the factor of mid-life crisis. Why do people who seem to be strong can be affected so much by the failure of a relationship? is Life = Love?

Seeing him going through this, in a way, i m affected. it hurts so much to see him cry. it hurts so much that i cannot do anything to make him feel better. it hurts so much to see him not eating. it hurts even more, when he doesnt realise that i might have fallen for him.

But then again, i know very well that he s not the one for me. Well, prob, it s because i ve been spending lots of time with him that i m just used to being around him. but, recently, another guy that i ve met has also gotten me think about being in a relationship again. this guy is different. he s sweet sometimes, not all the time, but when we chat, there s just a connection and it s nice to share opinions on certain issues with him. recently, i was feeling down and the first person that i wanted to call was him. but i didnt. anyways, i m still caught in the moment of thinking, is life = love? can i change that equation? although i want to believe so much again that love is beautiful, things that are happening around me are just not helping. hence, i will wait..and just watch.  Life = ?

"Dear Lord, it s been a long long time. I m almost there. It s been a long journey and I know that i ve got a longer one ahead. Thank you for showing me the light. Thank you for not giving up on me. Amen. "

best night ever..

u

Tonight, i really thank God for giving me friends that i know i ll grow old with. Friends who are always there for me through good times and bad times.

Tonight, the exclusives reunited for a decent Vietnamese dinner. we chatted and to our surprise, we found something new about each other. haha..we found out when we were baptized! and i m embarrassed to say that i was baptized the earliest, and my walk with God is the furthest among the four of us. hehe..shy! :)
Mun Yee, Mel and Grace - my three buddies that i ll never forget. They were my rocks when i went through the lowest point in my life. They were the ones who helped me stand up again. Kudos to the 3 of them. Without them, during my uni-life, i would have never learnt the meaning of friendship for life. Without them during my uni-life, i would not have graduated with a high CGPA. hahaha! they helped me study! ahahha..especially gracie. No amount of thank-yous will ever be enough.
We've made a pact to meet up at least once a month..now that we re all busy with work and that we stay so far apart from each other..ahha..hence, we re tryin to meet up on the 1st of every month! cant wait for the next meet-up!!
meeting up with them brought a part of me back. a part that i ve missed for so long. we laughed, talked, ate, and just being around them made me who i am once more. Thank u babes! miss u 3 already!

Mun Yee, myself, Mel & Gracie
THE EXCLUSIVES

After dinner with the Exclusives, met up with another 2 angels in my life. Tailou and Su Yin. It s funny how i didnt click with these two earlier on.
Su Yin and i went to the same high school. we were just hi-ing and bye-ing kinda frens. Now, she practically knows everything that happens to me.haha! m glad i found her once more after so many years! we share the same name and initials..ahaha..and she said, i believe the 3 of us (including tailou) will grow old together as frens! ahaha! yes, we will. we ve got so much in common and so much shits to share! ahhaha! we always laugh so much till i get tummy aches!
su yin has always got the lamest jokes ever that i sometimes find it difficult not to laugh! Tailou has been another person who s always screwing senses into me. he s another one of my rocks. always there for me when i needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to all the shits that i ve gotta say. not forgetting, he is also my jogging partner who fails to run at the same pace as me! ahahhaa!!
my angels! both of them were so pissed that i was being so nice to C. they stopped me from doing that tonight. my heartaches, but i feel good!

Tailou sipping HARD...ahaha..Chek looks on..

Su Yin and I, thinkin that we re havin coffee during winter! and look at the amout of money we contributed to Starbucks tonight!

I m lucky. i ve got Zanne too. my bestie whom i havent had a nice long chat with for so long. But she s always giving me the slaps in the face to wake me up. I miss her! Mei Li, another rock in my life. She was another one who made me realised that Isaac was not the one for me. She helped me break up with him! ahhaa! I remember her telling him, 'If u love her, she wouldnt be so sad now. She s not as happy as she used to be.' and i cried. because of a man, i lost myself. it did not only affected me, but it also affected my buddies.
Bean, another one. She s always making me laugh with all her innocent jokes! ahaha! She s another great fren that i ll grow old with la! ahaha! Cheers to Bean and her innocence!

I ve been up and down these 2 years. My life has been a roller-coasted ride. But, thank God for sending me all these angels to be by my side.
I ll cherish them for life! I grew up with them and i ll grow old with them.

Tonight, part of me came back, and i m happy.

Thank u babes and Tailou.
I dont know what i d do without all of u.
U ve coloured my life with so many colours and i ll never forget waht each and everyone of u have done for me.
In return, i ll be there for u when u need me. U can count on me!
Thank u for proving it to me that there s such thing as friends for life!

Love u all to bits!
Hugs,

CANT WAIT TO MEET WITH THE EXCLUSIVES TONIGHT!

i ve been waiting for so long!! finally...the exclusives will re-unite for a dinner tonight!!

i miss the 'intellectual' chats that we always have! ahahah!!

miss u three so much!! miss the gathering of four stunning brains!! :)

see u three tonight!

pat kin, pat san! ;)

growing up

Growing up in a close-knit family, i was always taught that if we are nice to others, others will be nice to u too. that s what i ve done..most of the time.

but as i grew older, i dont think that s true anymore.

the past week, i vehemently think that i will not be that nice to others that i dont really know anymore.

to men? sigh...i ll be extra careful. to gym instructors..i ll be extra-dextra careful. sigh...

i learnt the best about what love and lust are through heartaches. i hate that feeling.

i ve lost a part of me. i ve lost the thought that love is beautiful. love? it isnt beautiful.

i ll just wait. i m a strong woman..or that s just how others perceive me..that s why men are sometimes intimidated. ahah! sigh...

like every other woman, it s just my dream to have someone who loves me.

prob, i m just goin thru my mid-life crisis! ahaha...i ll be dead by 48 eh?

i ve got a career..i ve got a family..what else is missing?

Father Lord, please continue to guide me. Amen.