I m a Superwoman..in some ways :)

things change. lotsa things change. so i ve decided to also change. to start blogging again. why should i stop in the first place? because 'we' stopped? hmm...silly me! i ve got a life ahead of me. i should do what i want to do, what i feel like doing, and what i ve always wanted to do..like erm..go rock climbing again..go back to the gym again..which i will...reallll soon..when? haha! when my bones are healed! which i hope is REALLY SOON!i dont have much time left..

today, many things happened. and i guess, God was just waiting for the right moment to allow these things to happen. it s as though, the whole roof in my room fell on me and knocked me back into senses. feeling pretty low the last few days, letting my emotions take me over was just a terrible feeling which i never liked.

this morning, when i woke up, i found mum washing my car. it was freaking 7.30am! and she, my superwoman, was washing my car already. so, i grabbed my mug, made my favourite nescafe, picked up my book, 'purpose driven live'-a pressie from uncle BK and was just enjoying my 15 mins of breakfast. WHAT A WAY TO START MY MORNING! :) coffee, coffee, book & a peaceful mind!

i was smiling the moment i woke up, and it was a great feeling. after coffee, i showered, changed and i looked myself in the mirror...wow...hey beautiful! u deserve to be happier..wait a minute! those eye bags, they re still there! DUH! four sleepless nights! well, those eye baga..those eye bags they have to go! they dont look good on me! i cant have my oakleys on all the time in the office ya know?!! they ve gotta go!!! haha! so, i had no choice, but to put a lil foundation..which i dont usually do..ahah..a whole tube of foundation can last me a lifetime! that applies to all my make up stuffs too..not like i have a complete set! ahaha! lip gloss, mascara, moisturiser..erm..toner..erm..cleanser..that s about it! ahahaha!that s just me..simple.

as i left home, i felt good. i smsed my buddies, wishing them good morning!! and telling them that i m back! I AM BACK! they ve been waiting for me, and they know i wouldnt take long..and they are always right..they always tell me, Chris, be patient. u ll be back soon! i am. as much as i hate to deny that i dont think about him, well, i do. but, i ll just think of the good times, i guess.

well, i ve never been a true superwoman..but i may be a superwoman in some ways! hehe!
some ppl always deemed that i m always happy and that my problems will never hunt me down. well, guess they are wrong. although i always put on a brave face, deep down in me, i do fear too. i might show ppl that i m as capable as they might think i would be, but at times, i m only just a woman. sometimes, i d sweep my problems under the carpet, but hey..sometimes, the carpet may get too dusty for me to breathe properly.

like other ppl, i too have a lot of fears. fear of height would be the first! ahaha! fear of not being smart is second. fear of not being with my loved ones, fear of being alone, fear of horror movies, fear of going to the dentist..hahaa! lots! even before i stand on stage to give my many speeches, i would grind my teeth and tapped my fingers non-stop until i hear my name being called upon. i d always try to do those as silently as i could so that no one would notice. my palms would be so sweaty that i will pray and hope that no one would shake my hands when i finish my speech! ahaha!but one magical thing about me giving speech is, i d be so scared before it s my turn up there..but once i ve reached the podium, or i ve got the mike..it s like i rule the world! the fear subsides and i m myself again on stage. well, although sometimes, i do fear that i wouldnt be able to read my speech, so i d type my speech in HUGE FONTS! and at times, i d tuck my speech away..altho it s well-written but i d change my mind on stage to just speak my mind..which, erm..has happened a few times, and i like! ahaha!

as i grow older, i guess i do also fear of getting hurt in a relationship. who doesnt? i believe what happened this few days was just me being afraid of being in another relationship build on lies. he would have thought that i didnt think he was able to give me a good relationship, altho i d always thought he could. there were things that i might have said that made him feel that i m not ready to be in a relationship. but as a matter of fact, i am. i m even ready to start a family..but of course, the man has to come along first! hahaa! he prob thinks that i m immature. i dunno. i dont read minds. but i guess from all his signs, i should have known the answer earlier. i always forget that there are times when ppl say things that they dont mean. i always forget that! and i always forget that i dont have to be as truthful as i should be when i m with them. sigh..but being the innocent and naive me..i always seem to fall into that trick. but as far as i m concern, being with him has definitely taught me a thing or two. about myself, about him and about us. he s 31. i m turning 25..ahem..feb 15..ahem..ahaha! he s also afraid of falling for another girl who s not the one. which is also my case...but hmm..how would we know if we dont try? BUT, then again, if he really did like me, he would have reassured me that things will be ok..just go with the flow and dont worry too much about the future. no one knows whats to happen. did he try doing that? nope..even thinking about him now makes me feel a lil stupid, coz i d be thinking and i d ask myself, is he doing the same thing? thinking about me?? i dont think so. so what s the point? and i will never allow myself to judged based on the reason that someone doesnt want to be in a relationship with me. for all u know, it s not my problem, it s prob just him. and hey, i m worth more than that :) yes, i AM!

however, i hope that he ll be happy soon. not only feeling relieved, but happy.

i was working on sunday...which was yesterday! ahaha..and i met up with some parents to discuss about their daughter's progress after the camp. and i m glad that they actually came to seek me for advice. wow..i felt so honoured. and then went to OU to meet up with the senior forum kids for a reunion. being a role model is tough. but i had fun..played a lil of pool, had lunch, chit chatted and at 4.55 pm sharp, i had to leave. one reason being, i had to go home coz mum was waiting and also because i knew he ll be in the same building. i had to go. i dont know why..but i had to. my heart was beating like i ran in a race! and that was just yesterday! and today, i think, even if our cars were to be coincidentally parked next to each other, my heart wouldnt beat as fast as how it s been beating the past few days. i d be cool about it. it s just amazing that i m back and to see the vast difference in me today..it s just wonderful!

tomoro night, i ll be attending the GYS 09 meeting. and i m looking forward to meeting with all my GYS friends again! i cant wait. now that i m back, i hope i ll be on the track. i cant wait to celebrate chinese new year, eat lotsa yummylicious food, travel..and yeah, found out taht i d be off to san diego march 7-17 and then north carolina in june/july! hehe! two extremes on the US map!

friends, i m back. i m a superwoman..but not all the time. i do fall sometimes, but because of all ur prayers and support, i always manage to get back on my feet. i still think of him, i do, i dont deny. but he ll soon fade i guess. well, if he doesnt miss me, why should i do that in return yeah? haha!

i m one real lucky woman to have so many great frens supporting me when i m weak and down. not fogetting God too. he knows i can handle this! i can ! :)

back to work tomoro! yippeee! :)