Am I not ready?

What is the difference between,
READY! GET SET! GO!
and
READY? GET SET? GO?

Hmm..am pondering on my own ability to make a difference. Am I ready? Am I really ready to move out of my comfort zone? Am I ready to be different? Am I ready to leave my past? Am I ready to start anew? Most of all, am I ready to surrender my WHOLE life to God and let him decide, instead of planning my life and expecting so much from it?

REALITY CHECK : Chris, u are NOT immortal.

There s so much in life that I sometimes am a lil afraid of what is next for me. Sometimes, waking up in the morning, it s a lil tough to digest the fact that I m already 25 and to recall some things that I ve done that has made me into who I am today. And it s definitely not registering that it s already 2009 now! i keep thinking that it is still 2004. Sigh..not 2008, not 2006, but 2004! ahaha!

I had dinner with a friend last night and he shared lots with me. After dinner, I started reflecting lots. Pretty disturbed, I was constantly asking myself questions and I guess I was so tired doing that, that I fell asleep soon after. Waking up feeling a lil overwhelmed with all the questions still dangling there and also the fact that I havent completed the press release due later this morning, I needed some coffee! and here I am, listening to my fav kravitz song, sipping coffee, still questioning myself and STILL thinking on how to write my press release due in 2 hours time! sigh...

Am I NOT READY to go to work?? HELL YEAH!

AM I NOT READY TO ........ well, we ll see! :)

inspired

I question myself all the time, "When will I be the person that I want to be?

I cannot deny that God has been great all these time to me, even when at times, I ve forgotten about Him. He has always been there for me.

At this point in time in my life, I m inspired to do alot of things, specifically in my career. I ve been blessed with a good job and I m not worried that I ll be outta job for the next 3 years. I definitely would want to reach out to kids n teenagers and try impact their lives positively. Being a good role-model isnt impossible,but it s definitely difficult. Not that I m not willing to try, but it s tough. However, I ll definitely give it a shot.

Being in the education line helps me achieve my goal of trying to strive for the betterment of kids' growth towards positivity in this world.I believe each kid deserves to see the potential in themselves to be successful.

Returning to work after attending my first ever training with QLN at Oceanside, California makes me want to speed up my work to reach out to as many kids as I possibly could. Its the thirst in me of wanting to share with them the knowledge that I have to make learning fun for them. I would love to see kids discard the thoughts that learning is boring and school sucks. It would be so lovely to see kids enjoying themselves in class and make learning fun for themselves. To realise that I have the tools of helping them rediscover the joy of learning eases the thought of me signing my contract with d conpany for the next 3 years.

Tonight, I re-take my stand of greatness which is to be in the education line for as long as I possibly could for the betterment of kids' lives.

I cannot wait for the day when I get to be the facilitator for the first time at camp! The time will come!:)

the older i am..

i ve trusted people too easily. 

and everytime when i fall, i feel stupid. i should have seen it coming.

today s the 3rd day of my second training but m not feeling well, so i d be stuck at the hotel the whole day today. 

something shocking happened last night and i just couldnt bring myself to believe it. thank God su yin and tailou were the first i could call to ask for help. i hate myself for being so stupid. 

the older i become, the analytical side of me becomes weaker. how stupid.

anyways, am lookin forward to goin home. havent been driving for so long!!! and i miss home. i miss ron, snoop, tailou, su yin..and the rest...

i wish i could leave now. i wish i could.

I M HERE!

it s day 2...and after 20plus hours in the plane..i was so glad to be tucked in bed last night. i finally have a bed to sleep on! :) and this place is really homely. carlsbad. everyone s that we ve met so far are nice. 

my lips are cracked to the core and it hurts so much. my skin s peeling and my nose is blocked. but hey, wont let any of those destroy me trip! ahhaha!

had our first meal here last night...went to a mexican restaurant called the el Pollo Loco. not too bad. but the rice tasted funny. so we only finished the chicken :) and that was nice and crispy. we had tacos too! yumms! then, we went to ralph's to shop for chips and some other stuffs to keep us occupied in our room. bought my first mag here. it cost me 2.99. haha! and i got cheated by the cover. it said that jen aniston was preg! so i bought! aiya..i then found out that she was tryin to get preg! what a mag! damn! 2.99 k! could have bought a packet of chips!!! 

we slept pretty early last night and when Nedu called at 12 plus, i thought it was the next morning already! ahahah! that man! he s so funny! he d be seeing us today and i m excited!! yippee! he ll prob stay the night. and now im thinking...where?

well, starting training tmoro and i m pretty excited to be goin into the office here.

had quite a scrumptious breakfast this morning at the inn. the potato skin was yummylicious! hehe! we re off for a walk by the beach soon. jean s a lil sleepy, so she s taking a nap. i d be heading for the showers soon :) ooh...it s gonna be a great day :) the beach! yeah!!! :)

life circle

it was funny how some relationships rekindle.

well, tomoro my first love is getting married. and i wasnt invited. but it s alright. he s getting married in the church where we grew up, i think. and i hope one day, i ll get married in that church too. that is if i do :)

life. things happen. like my first love said, chris, we always plan for things to happen. most of the time things might not happen the way we want them to, because God has planned it all. i wonder if he remembered telling that to me. something which i ve remembered for years. it s funny how things happened between the both of us. he was my first real puppy love..or so they say. i wasnt his first, of course. i was never someone's first love. we were a couple..ahaha! and i was reallly young back then. we went to church together, played together, were on the phone for hours. i wondered what we talked about! ahhaa! then, we lost touch for about 10 years!! was very happy to have found him. we met up and he brought me around HK for a few days. caught up and we realised we ve grown so much that our paths will never cross again. i guess, that s why i wasnt told that he was getting married. but, anyhow, i wish him all the best.

i ve been so worried about getting my mr right. but, thess past weeks, i ve lifted up that burden and i ve started to focus more on work. been studying notes, pages after pages, hoping i could absorb everything like a sponge. tomoro morning, i d have to wake up at 6 to go joggin. i ve gotta be FIT for my training. 'Know it by heart' would be my first ever training to be a facilitator and then 'FIT - Facilitator in Training' would be my second, which will be in June/July. these 2 events will mould me into someone i d like to become. stressful, but i ll hold on. today, i went for lunch with my cousins, and something very worrying happened too. i realised that my right hand had no energy. was tryin to life the teapot, but i just couldnt. my left hand could lift it up and it was light. then i remembered yesterday, i was trying to lift myself up on my hands, and i fell on my right hand. it didnt strike me that something was wrong with my righty. i dunno what happened and im worried. my bones havent exactly been in good conditions. an injured back which led to injured ankles, weak right knee, and now my injury on my right wrist is coming back. and im supposed to be FIT! like FIT! and i m not. and i m worried. i ve been putting on weight as i ve cut down on my exercises because of my back and ankles, but i ve gotta start doing so.

well, well, i ll have to call it a night as i ve only got 4 hours before i head off to the park for a run and then off to work ;) it s goin to be a great day tomoro coz i know it would be ;)

to all my frens, have a great week ahead! tailou, su yin,pn ki, bean, sin, ping, mel, gracie, mun, shir, cheng yee, mei li and not forgetting zanne...hugs :)

facilitating is fun but tiring

Yesterday was the first day I put my 'not-so-there facilitator' skills to used. It was a reunion for the campers and i had to facilitate it. filling in Jes' big shoes werent easy. Couldnt sleep the night before as i was very scared, but at the same time, excited. i knew i had Feli, Amy n Sheikh with me but i wanted everything to go as planned although i know it sometimes is difficult to do so.

'One hand up, one hand back, turn to the person next to u and say - I make a difference!'
There were so many callbacks n hollas to remember as fillers. I had to ensure that the curriculum was on my finger tips as there was no way I can afford to make mistakes. it was very tiring, but i learnt lots about myself facilitating and i had fun doing it all! but i m sure there s still a long journey ahead of me being a facilitator. attending my first ever training in a week's time, i m sure there ll be lots to learn still. hmm..training...i ve got a stack of notes..sigh..i hope i d start reading them soon!

I left home at bout 7 and started working till about 3.30. I was so into the program that i didnt even know i cut myself on my palm until i felt something sticky when i was clapping! my mind was hallucinating by 4 pm but i was very de-hydrated. my voice was gone. my eyes were dry. my legs were wobbly. my hair, well, as usual, was in a mess. i needed my iced latte! haha! so went to starbucks, and grabbed one. Shir joined me for a bit and i told her, shir, cannot d...gtg! ahaha!

came home, couldnt sleep altho i was darn tired. so watched tv..mind wasnt there. i just needed to lie down and rest my mind. planned to go grab my phone but erm...the sofa felt really good! was hungry still, cooked maggi. but when ron came back, we went for vietnamese food!! oh my gosh! that boy! he cannnn eat!! ordered sooo much! i felt like a pig. then sent him home and headed to meet a new friend from Spore, whom i d be travelling with. chatted a bit and we were saying, wow, those working for the same camp usually has no problems clicking fast! it was true.
cant wait to be travelling together!

well, it was almost 1am when i left and called bean as she earlier on texted me. she, sin and tommy were in Mcds. Yeah! so, went over to meet up with them for a while. till bout 2 plus...and that was it. i was TIRED. ahaha! i slept, thinking i was gonna wake up on time for church, but i slept through till 11am! woooww! i havent had such good sleep for so long already! it was great! fantabulous! :) and that was because i facilitated for half a day. i cant imagine how i d be like if i facilitate for a whole camp! wooow! hahaha!

alrightey. gotta go study ;) and gotta start journalling on papers too :)